i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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