girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
