You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
