so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize