I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
