he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
