dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
