I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
