Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
