I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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