Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
