so explain again why im purple
no
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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