did you get engaged???
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The air taste purple.
Randomize
