We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
