Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would fuck him just for his dog
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
