Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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