Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
