Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
