I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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