it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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