hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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