I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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