david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
