ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
