My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
