I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
