I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
