It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
