I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
