I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.