Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.