Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.