just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day