mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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