You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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