we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
