This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
