Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
