He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
