haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one might say we're banned from that church
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
