Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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