We won't sleep together?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Randomize
