Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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