I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
