well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
