i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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