I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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