A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
