His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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