so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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