So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
