I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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