Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
