They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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