I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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