"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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