I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I still have a little drunk in my system
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
