just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
should my penis look like a turkey
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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