No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
