I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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