My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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