I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
