Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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