i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
