if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
