cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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