you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
