there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
