too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
