i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
