My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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