i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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