they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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