i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
