I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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