"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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